


Hold Onto Me

by AlyxHavok



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, I AM SAPPY I KNOW, M/M, MUCH NEEDED FLUFF, Malec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 20:08:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11539530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyxHavok/pseuds/AlyxHavok
Summary: Magnus still struggles with his most terrifying memory, and Alec is still there at his side.





	Hold Onto Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for a dear friend. She requested a fluff fic for after 2x15 and it took me forever to get it done, but still here it is, Yuks! <3
> 
> Thank you so much to my lovely Parabeta, MuscleMemory. She inspired me to finished this fic and I could not be more happy for it!
> 
> Also the rune is modeled after the plus happiness rune Matthew Daddario created there is a picture accompanied with the fic on tumblr @alyxhavok. I have no art skills so it is cheesy but whatever I tried XD <3 
> 
> The song they dance to is Unsteady by Mo

Alec wakes up, fully prepared to count this as the fifth morning that he wakes up to an empty bed. He understands that Magnus has opened up to him about what he endured in Valentine’s body, but he doesn’t expect Magnus to just get better because of it. He wishes he could take the pain away from Magnus, make everything better. He rolls over and to his surprise Magnus is still in bed, and finally sleeping.

He moves closer, a soft smile on his face as he watches Magnus sleep. His fingers trace Magnus’ jawline, starting just behind his ear and making his way all the way down, over his chin, up to ghost over his lips. He watches as a tear slips from Magnus’ eye before kissing it away.

At least he is getting some sleep, Alec should be glad for that, but his sleep is not restful if he's still seeing the memories, memories that would still be repressed if Alec had only believed Magnus when he told him he was trapped in Valentine’s body. He had a part in this, in making Magnus relive his most horrifying memory.

He rolls back over onto his back staring up at the ceiling, one hand resting on his stomach, the other finding Magnus’ hand. He promised Magnus he would always be here and he meant it, nothing else matters right now.

“Alexander.” It is a soft whisper, followed by a series of kisses along his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I think I should be the one to ask you that, Magnus.” He sighs, turning his head to meet his love’s eyes, “Did you dream of it again?” Magnus nods.

“Talking about it didn’t really help.” He sighs, his chin resting on Alec’s shoulder. “I mean I am glad you know now, and that you still love me, but I just want the memories to go away.”

Alec leans in enough to kiss Magnus’ head, “Is there anything at all that I can do?”

Magnus shakes his head, “Not unless you have a rune that takes memories away.” When Alec is quiet, Magnus moves closer, “Thought so. But if it helps, I did sleep better last night actually staying in bed with you.”

“It only matters if it helps you, I just want you to not be in pain anymore.”

Magnus sits up, resting on his elbow as his free hand pats Alec’s chest, “One day at a time, my love. And for today, I am making breakfast.”

He kisses Alec quickly before jumping out of bed, and pulling on some boxers and his blue robe. “What are you in the mood for? Pancakes? Waffles? French Toast?”

“Why do all of those choices involve syrup?” Alec smirks.

Magnus only winks, before disappearing from the room.

~

Alec: I need a huge favor?

Clary: Anything, bossman… Name it?

Alec: I need a rune for making happy memories.

Clary: You create those on your own, Alec. A rune can't help with that.

Alec: Okay, but what I mean is that I need a rune that will make happy memories overpower the bad.

Clary: Are you okay? Do you have memories that are bothering you? I know we aren’t very close, but you can talk to me, Alec. I'm here for you.

Alec: I appreciate it, but this is for Magnus.

Clary: He can’t wear runes… Is he okay?

Alec: He is having a hard time since the Valentine thing. The rune will be on me, but I want to transfer, or use it to make our happiest memories come to the forefront of his mind over the bad ones I helped bring back to the surface.

Clary: You can’t blame yourself, Alec. You didn’t know…

Alec: I was unsure, but I should have known. Can you help me?

Clary: Let me see what I can do.

Alec: Thank you, Clary.

~

Alec climbs out of bed, dressing in his jeans and maroon t-shirt, before his phone goes off once more.

Clary: Here it is, Izzy volunteered to test it, and it works. You owe me?

Alec: How about my eternal gratitude, Fray?

 

Clary: Izzy said we will only accept payment in the form of details, such as how comfy is Magnus’ bed since you never sleep here anymore? Who is the little spoon? And does Magnus know you snore?

Alec: Bed is very comfortable, more so with Magnus in it. I am. Yes he knows. I will also say that you and Izzy are about one more question away from being demoted, test me ;)

Izzy: You wouldn’t…?

Alec: I would.

Izzy: Boxers or briefs?

Alec: After this Valentine mess is cleared up you can be on desk work.

Clary: Boxer briefs?

Alec: You can join her.

“Alexander?” Magnus calls from the kitchen, “Breakfast is almost ready.”

It is at this point that Alec realizes Magnus must have actually been cooking not just magicking up some food. He pops his head around the corner, “Smells great. I will be right out.” He checks the last message on his phone.

Jace: It’s cool, I stopped the girls from messing with you. Told them Magnus is a boxer briefs kind of man.

Alec: …

Alec rolls his eyes in true annoyed fashion, these are the people he calls family, and honestly he wouldn’t change a thing. He abandons his phone as he makes his way toward the delicious scent coming from the kitchen and the gorgeous sight of Magnus.

~

“I believe we will find Valentine. Jace, Izzy and Clary are all set for assignments.”

Alec is just talking about whatever he can at first, he wants everything to return to normal, but he can’t just make it happen. Not even with the rune. He is only hopeful that it will help at all.

Magnus nods, half paying attention, “Shouldn’t you be going along with them? Jace is better with his Parabatai at his side.”

Alec shakes his head, taking Magnus’ hand, “I told you, I'm not leaving your side. I want to make sure you feel better before I take any prolonged missions.”

“Alexander, I'm fine. Finding Valentine should take precedence over watching over me.”

Alec knows Magnus is right, but something stronger takes hold. “Nothing takes precedence over making sure those I love and care about are okay. Nothing.”

“Let’s be logical here, Alexander, I am only having problems with remembering my terrible past, while in the present we are facing the threat of Valentine, yet again.” Magnus sighs, pulling his hand away from Alec’s. “I can't let you put me first this time.”

“Stop it. You are not letting me do anything, Magnus. I want to be here. Not there. I don’t want to look for him, because if I find him…” He trails off, looking down at his hands that are now fidgeting. “Magnus, I want to put an arrow through him, and if I find him, I will. Whether it is what the Clave wishes or not. He hurt Jace and he hurt you, I wish I never pulled Luke away from him.”

Again, Alec watches as Magnus gets lost in thought and memories, possibly only hearing half of what he has been saying. He has to do this now, he has to help the man he loves.

He pulls out his stele, draws the rune on the space just above his wrist and takes Magnus’ hand again, “Hey.”

Magnus looks up at him, then glances down at the new rune on Alec, and he is curious, he has never seen this one before, and he is sure he has seen all the runes on his perfectly sculpted Nephilim. He is about to ask when Alec runs the stele over it once more and moves his hand to gently caress Magnus’ temple.

_His hand slips into Alec’s and he feels the jolt…_

_“Would you like to go out for a drink sometime?” He can hear his own voice in his head, and feel the suaveness of himself in that moment._

_“That sounds fun… When?” Alec’s voice fills his mind and he feels the excitement he did so well to cover up on the phone, leap into his body…_

_“Mama! Mama!” “You are nothing but an abomination, she is dead because of y…” He is falling, losing himself again…_

_He feels strong arms grab onto him, one on his shoulder the other on his waist… His eyes meet gorgeous hazel orbs, “I need your strength.” Alec’s voice… “Take what you need.”_

Magnus' eyes snap open, finding Alec’s eyes, “What was that?”

“My happiest memories, with you.” Alec replies with every bit of determination in his tone, “I can’t take the bad memories away, but I can remind you of the good ones.” His voice cracks at the end. 

Magnus grabs Alec’s stele from the table, “Can you do it again?” The feelings he felt, the memories were… They overpowered the haunting memories of his past, and if he can just hold onto how that felt. Alec nods, reactivating the rune and this time placing his forehead to Magnus’ as his hand rests on his neck.

_“So as you all say,” he imitates an elderly voice, “The law is the law.” His eyes catch Alec’s slight amusement, “There’s no stopping me from slipping through this gaping loophole. For the right price.” Alec looks determined and beautiful, “Name it.” Magnus feels himself smirk, “You.”_

_He is stepping into the institute through a portal, turning that corner and looking down the aisle at Alec, he is terrified… he feels like he may not leave here with the outcome he desires…_

_“MAMA! MAMA!” The keris in his mother’s chest… he feels anguish, shame, guilt. ‘Why was I born this way? Why couldn’t you love me? I won’t be a monster.’ His stepfather’s voice echoes through his mind, fire, burning… ‘I am a monster…’_

_Alec’s face breaks through his memories again, he is striding toward him, his hands taking hold of his lapels, then he feels them. The softness of Alec’s lips on his, the way Alec tastes on his tongue, the way he feels safe in this moment, and victorious. Not just for himself, but for Alec. Alec deserves to be happy. ‘Do I make Alec happy?’_

_‘When things get crazy don’t push me away.’ This is a happy memory for Alec? But he was in so much pain missing his Parabatai. Alec’s smile as he adjusts his collar. Magnus feels relief within himself._

_“I hear relationships take effort.” The way Alec’s eyes meet his, he wants this, them to try at least. ‘I could make Alec happy.’_

_His mind flashes through so much, their first time, then Tokyo. On the terrace of the Palace hotel, kissing Alec until they are both breathless. Alec standing and taking his hand, pulling him inside. “I don’t know how to be romantic, and I know you don’t expect me to try to be something I am not, but I want to give you everything you want and deserve. If it wasn’t for you I never would have gotten thrown off a path I was never meant to be on.”_

_He closes his eyes. “You mean more to me than I can express at the moment. And I just want you to be happy.” Magnus steps to Alec, “You. I told you once that what I wanted was you, and I meant it. You make me happy, even when we are just running around, trying to navigate this relationship. Just being able to do it with you makes me incredibly happy. You are special, Alexander. Unlike anyone I have ever known or had feelings for.”_

_He is already in love with Alec, a fact that he can’t deny, but also doesn’t have to admit aloud. They curl up in bed, kissing each other until sleep takes over their senses. It's one of Magnus’ best nights he has ever had._

_A slamming sound, he feels different, not himself but… he looks to the glass opposite him and it’s Valentine’s face reflected back at him… this is not happy… no… Slamming, Alec’s face hard as stone at his back, “THAT'S ENOUGH!” His hands dragging him to the chair, strapping him in… “ALEXANDER!” his muffled screams for Alec to come back to him._

He pulls back, away from Alec, “That one wasn’t happy. Tell me that is not one of your happiest memories.”

Alec shakes his head, “No. That is one of my worst,” A tear falls from his eyes, “but you can’t see my worst, so maybe it was a glitch?”

“No. It wasn’t, Alexander.” There was one memory he never told Alec he saw when he closed his eyes, not one brought on by the agony rune, but one brought on by Alec himself. “I see that when I close my eyes as well. It follows me burning my step-father… It is the same sequence, over and over; My mother, my step-father, you.”

Alec looks sickened by this knowledge, “I am so sorry, Magnus. I never meant for this to happen.”

“I was so angry with you for leaving me behind, for not believing me. But I never blamed you, not really.” Magnus sighs and drops his head, “I'm sorry this didn’t work the way you hoped.”

He begins to stand until Alec’s hand stops him. And he feels the energy surge through him again.

_He feels panic surging through every part of his body. He can’t find him, where is he? Is he alive? ‘Magnus, please don’t leave me.'_

_A hand reaches out taking his arm. No, he is taking Alec’s arm and then they are hugging. And he never wants to let go. He can hear himself talking but it doesn’t matter, all that matters is that he is here. He feels overwhelming relief wash over himself, no, Alec._

_“I’ve never felt that type of fear, not knowing if you were alive or dead, I was terrified. Magnus, I love you.” His own words, “I love you, too.” Alec’s happiness, and relief is flooding through him. ‘I make Alec happy.’_

“You make me happier than I have ever felt, but also more terrified. Not just for myself but for you, I can't and I won't lose you. And I will never let you push me away. As long as you need it, I will give you the happiest of memories.”

Magnus nods, for once not being able to find the words he needs to say. They are there but they just won’t come out. Alec stands and holds his hand out to Magnus, “I know I'm not the greatest of dancers, but do me the honor of dancing with me?”

Dance? They have never really danced together before. Not for Magnus’ lack of trying. He can’t count how many times Alec has grunted and groaned his way out of dancing. Magnus always let it go because he didn’t want to make Alec uncomfortable, but now, Alec is asking him? He wants to do this for him. Magnus feels the new memory of how this makes him feel forming in his mind as he takes Alec’s hand and snaps his fingers to start the radio, “Everyday for the rest of time, I will dance with you, my Alexander.”

_Hold onto me, cause I’m a little unsteady. A little unsteady, So hold onto me._

“Let’s make happy memories.” As the song starts, Alec’s eyes lock with Magnus’ and he pulls him close, one hand on his waist the other entwined with Magnus, his lips so close to his love's ear as he whispers, “I will hold onto you, forever. No matter what life throws at us, my arms will never leave you.”

There has never been a doubt in his mind that he loves Alexander Lightwood, that this connection is nothing like anything he has ever felt, but it is in this moment that he realizes that he has found the person that broke down those walls he built around his heart and was not terrified by what he found behind them. He found the one person that would do everything in his power to make sure those walls stayed down and Magnus' heart remains protected.


End file.
